Life Lately .... sigh
It’s been a little while since I’ve written anything on the blog and honestly haven’t really been feeling myself. Kinda feel like I’m having a midlife crisis but clearly I can’t be? Or can I..... idk. I also know I’m clearly not alone in my feels especially right now. Anyway I’m not normally super vulnerable with expressing my feelings especially on a blog post but I needed some form of outlet and maybe someone could give me some advice haha.
So here goes nothing. Do you just ever have one of those days or in my case weeks of just feeling like you’re life isn’t moving. Or a great analogy they I’ve been in-visioning was when Harry Potter gets grabbed by the Grindylows in the lake during the Tri Wizard Tournament trying to save Ron and Fleur’s sister.... well I feel like that... swimming, being pulled down trying to move but can’t! Ya that might sound a little extreme but it is how I feel and I can’t really try and lie about it.
But on a more seriously note do you ever feel like you’re just standing still watching everyone else around you passing you by? Well that’s how I’ve been feeling I can’t seem to do anything, I want to move but can’t. I want a cat but I don’t/can’t. Or at least people tell me no don’t get a cat then you’re stuck and can’t travel and it’s a huge commitment. All not wrong statements but I’m not traveling and I’m alone and working from home. So seems like a decent idea.
Also I’d like to find my person but honestly not emotional available to even ‘call’ the type of person I want in my life. I’m trying this 40 day detox from dating that I heard about from @girlsgottaeat podcast when they had Kelley Knight on and described how she struggled dating. She started with a detox and manifested/called the type of person she wanted in her life and well it worked out for her so I figured why not. Currently on week 2 and it hasn’t been too bad. Probably cus I’m just not in a great mental space. Anyway dating right now during Covid has been pretty challenging. So it’s been a little disheartening. In the beginning it created some serious convos with my roommate to make sure we’re being respectful and safe with who we’re around and bring into our circle. Plus everyone is experiencing things differently right night now, so gotta be mindful and understanding of that as well. Regardless of being alone I know everyone is dealing with these things regardless of having a significant other and I was reminded of that the other day from a friend. (So thanks for keeping me slightly level headed haha)
To go back to moving I gotta be honest here.... a huge part of why I haven’t moved is fear and the other part is well timing isn’t/ wasn’t right. But besides that where the heck would I go? I’ve always wanted to move abroad which poses some challenges or do I stay in the US and give another city a shot? I do love Chicago, San Diego & Denver so those could be options or maybe NYC or Seattle? Sigh... There are still so many places I’ve not been to in the US that make picking a place hard. I’m lucky to have a job and currently working remote so I really could go anywhere... and how long will this ‘perk’ really last. So it would be a good time to do it. Plus with everyone leaving the Bay it’s become a bit depressing and so many of my people that made this place home are going. (Thank goodness for those that are still around!)
Ugh seriously having major life crisis any ideas on calming this insane anxiety I’m having?! Or hopefully I’m not alone in feeling this way. I know I’ve read so many people moving back home cus their leases are almost up but I know I don’t want to move home so at least that is one thing I for sure know haha.
Anyway thanks for indulging my vent session. I hope things are going a bit better for anyone reading this haah. I know this will pass and get better and we’ll others I’m sure are feeling this same way.
xoxo,
Coco
